always.there

It's been a really long week.
Been really busy with the primer and along the way to start out part2.
Expecting a few sleepless nights to come with my deadline.
A very strict deadline. So will be putting in more hours.
But im enjoying.
Once again, a student in her best form.
Yappie..

I finish yet another show in less than 20 hours.
That was 2 nights among it.
I admit i'm crazy when it comes to watching shows.
But this one is good.
It's the .
My fav Jin Yong novel, even though many dun like it for its wishy washy love story.
But it is a novel that clearly shows that true test of Love.
however fictional it may be.

And i realise i'm crazy over Nora Roberts.
I have been reading only her books for the past 1 month.
And im not bored yet.
She's really good.

Confirmed.
More or less.
I will be staying in SP.
Since i did not receive a letter for any interview in NUS and NTU has not given me news.
I'm happy there. No worries.

Oh yes,
although i was only presenting slides today,
and helping the purchase of gifts,
im really glad i can start serving the Lord.
waiting n hoping for more opportunites.
Praise the Lord.

Primer 1
13 'master'pieces.
5 days.
1 week.

3 more pieces to go.
1 more day

I had a talk wif a really close sister just now.
It's been ages since we talked n the topic was pretty heavy.
I know.
And i know i was doing most of the talking.
Robot Girl.. :)
But i want to listen to u too.
U know who u are.
Till the next time.
And i gonna get a tagboard liao.
Even if few may leave a msg....

It was my first week in school.
Fruitful?
No, or not really.
All we did was this induction programme which was suppose to help us know the course better.
So first day, we had talks n ice breakers.
Not ice breakers in our own class but the whole cohort of year 1
Pretty much gotten warm up as i met some pple who are really enjoyable mates.
Day 2 was 'city tour'.
we went to URA n started e day. walked to No. 5 Gemmill Lane.
went to makan at Far East Centre.
went back to the No 5 Gemmill Lane.
Stop for final briefing.
Went off after quick group discussion n all of us went to Hans.
i sort of name us the Makan Group.
Day 3 was ok.
in sch at 9 for exhibtions.
finish the earliest when our grp pple are the latest.
went makan again.
came back, final instructions n went to CCA drive.
should be joining SPAC2Go.
simple n quiet after my 2 yrs in council n 4 yrs in NCC.
Day 4, 'BE my idol'
silly skit. got tgt half hour before starting n practice.
finish it n waited for lunch to come.
meanwhile, our crazy grp started playing old games.
scissors, paper and stone!!
but we add in the slapping hands part.
lose n get a slap on the hand.
i have a bruise now. but going away already.
violent peeps.
but i guess they dun take me for a gal.
lunch came. had it. went home.
friday is a holiday.

well, that sums up.
i'm always cutting down on details unless really required.
me slacking at home now.
rewatching vcds.
may be going over to Tenchi later.
and finally after severe analysis of my financial status,
i need a job.
that's an understatement.
so the qn is,
shld i go back to Tenchi??

What is happiness?

A feeling ...

which parents feel when u are born,
which u feel when u receive all ur wished for birthday presents n Christmas ones,
which u feel when u receive ur first A in your spelling,
which u feel when u get into a secondary school of ur own choice,
which u feel when u get ur first boyfriend/girlfriend,
which u feel when u receive ur first handphone,
which u feel when u buy ur most wanted piece of clothes and shoes,
which u feel when u get into a JC or Poly or ur own choice,
which u feel when u turn 18 and can legally drink,
which u feel when u do well for all ur exams n get into a uni of ur own choice,
which u feel when u get ur driving license,
which u feel when u turn 21 and is a legal adult,
which u feel when u find a job which u want,
which u feel when u receive ur first paycheck,
which u feel when u receive ur first promotion letter,
which u feel when u open a shop of ur own,
which u fell when u get ur own car,
which u feel when u earn in ur first million dollars,
which u feel when u pay downpayment for ur own house,
which u feel when u are finally getting married,
which u feel when u see ur friends getting married,
which u feel when u have ur first child,
which u feel when u see ur child grow up,
which u feel when u see ur child going through the same process,
which u feel when u have ur first grandchidren.

Happiness is a feeling of joy.Over the slightest things.
It's the simplest form of feeling which u can get.
It's also the most difficult to acheive.
How often do we turn ourselves away from happiness by brooding over things when they turn out to be not what u want them to be?

Nothing is perfect in the world.
Neither is the world as smooth sailing as i have typed.
But if u bring a smile along with u every day,
it is not difficult to stay just happy.

What has happened is not going to change,
but we can change what happens next.

It is NOT difficult to understand.
Only whether u have open ur heart to try and understand it.

Happiness is not just given,
u must feel it and enjoy it.
It can come from within and can be shared to all.

Are u willing to enjoy happiness and also share it all around?
Remember, Pay It Forward.

It's Good Friday.
A good day for recollections.

It's been a really long year.
I stopped schooling n started working.
straight after my trip to HK, i started to plan my work schedule for e yr ahead till sch reopens.
i tried full time tuitioning n also another office job.
could not manage. so went to relief teaching.
it really taught me a few things when it came to that.
patience n how much i wun make it as a full time teacher even though it is a really great job in my eyes.

when e hols started, i started at Tenchi.
1st November 2005.
A date i will always rmb.
cool it was at first.
cos im surrounded by comics everyday.
my first supervisor was alright though he left me alone at e shop whenever possible.
i met a few guys during these times, rmbed i rejected one cos he insulted my relationship with God.
the others were nothing serious, mainly passing remarks in my eyes.
things started going another way when my 1st boss had conflicting interests with the boss of all Tenchi francises.
So i ended up being branch manager of my shop.
Date? 22nd Dec 2005
was planning to quit by then but i was asked to stayed on until i start sch,
n i can go for church services on all my sundays.
but i was never expected to have difficult colleagues.
im a very 'face' person, no one i cant handle.
just whether im giving heart or just face value.
i made a mistake n lose all i learnt to control.
i nv really blamed her but it did affect me.
so all my other colleagues are just colleagues.
i have some who can be friends, OUT of work.
i learnt it a hard way.
some commented im stern, but they nv knew me.
or i nv gave a chance.
I left the job finally on March 19, 2006.
i learnt many, management n patience, sales n more.
thankful that i left the job n thankful to my experience thare, i learnt lots.
that was 4 months and 19 days.

i was a successful applicant to SP, Architecture. Darch for short.
In the next 3 years to come, startg from 17 April 2006,
i will be a full time student there.
I'm very sceptical.
i am no talent at drawing but i love the course.
it's a conflicting emotion.
and i am not sure at all.
i have also applied for NTU n NUS.
NTU is tough when i see the competition im facing on the fac test e other day
NUS has not given me news yet n there is suppose to be an interview in 30 April 2006.
It will determine my chance.
and then if i get thru, i am not sure if i will choose to go.
since the fight is theory against practical.
but i really hope i will at least get a chance to choose.
the family's pressure is very large.
my mum's upset if i dun get in, since my younger cousins are chasing after me.
she keeps telling me i have wasted a yr out in working society.
sometimes i ask myself too.
but nonetheless, i am still startg sch on monday, 17 April 2006.

And ever since i stopped working, even though i have spent my time well, by doing my readings n stuff,
im showing signs of fatigue.
really bad signs.
all my sleeping habits are even more upside down than i used to be.
n now if i dun get up earlier than i need to, i will be late for all my appointments.
why? i take 30 mins in bed to finally realise i am awake n dragged myself out of bed.
somedays i dun even have e energy to do so.
like today. i was supposed to be in church n i did wake up. at 8am.
felt ill, had an asthma attack n nv left the bad until 10am.
i am so tired now n wanted to rest in bed but i could not get to sleep.
laid there for almost an hour when i finally gave up.
this is e hundredth time it has happen since i started sleeping badly.
i can be so tired n sleepy but i nv managed to fall asleep until 1 to 2 hours later.
so nowadays, i spent my time chatting with God or reading until i fall asleep.
all my energies are quite spent.
it's taking a lot from my body.
cannot rest properly. making stupid blunders.

then there's my friends.
several having probs but i cant help.
i started feeling helpless since last yr n it is really getting to me now.
one's too far away n e other is too distant from me now.
useless. me.
it hurts me to see my friends unhappy.
hurts me even more when i cant help.
i dun wanna push.

i rmb a comment by made last yr.
everytime i went n came back from msia, i would receive a call.
it started with her n went on to another.
im not superstitious but it does reminds me of something.
cant put it in words.

that sums up a year.
till the next year then, Good Friday.

God, I Love You.

Haha.
I have insomnia at the age of 20.
Everyone ard me knows i have awful sleeping hours.
But i just got worst.
I have insomnia.
Energy totally spent today.
Haha....

i have been chosen for the faculty test...
yappies. in ntu..
well, that's a start.
but i have to hand in 2 missing items by thurs.
one's a video. of myself.
i'm horrified. i hate taking myself.
but that's not a choice now.
jia you to myself!!

I'm feeling helpless.
Same reason as the other time.
I realise i have stopped listening to my friends.
Either cos i have stopped trying or they have stopped talking.
Whatever it is, i dun like it.
Does walking different paths really make our ways different?
I want to listen to them now but they dun seem to want to talk.
I always tell the world,
No one can let you feel happy if you dun want to.
Friends who are reading,
Are u engrose in telling yourself what difficulties n problems u face?
Or are u facing up to them?
Are u trying to make a difference in your life by trying?
Or just by grumbling?
This applies to all n me alike.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Oh Lord in the most high.
Bless the people around me,
With the courage to face up to tomorrow,
even if they have the burdens on their shoulders,
Oh Lord,
I pray you will lift them away.
Show them everything's possible in Your Hands,
Show them the the courage to look to every new days,
Show them that every little problem is insignificant,
for the trials are meant to make us stronger,
In mind n in strength.
Oh Lord,
I pray for blessings among all your Children,
Strengthen them, make them whole.
And for the still lost sheep,
Pray Oh Lord,
Show them the way home.
Into Your Loving house n arms.
Thank You Oh Lord.